


A very merry Christmas

by gonattsaga



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boys Kissing, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt, Kissing, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Public Display of Affection, Puppy Love, in the closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 01:18:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7019452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonattsaga/pseuds/gonattsaga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was a Christmas fic that I posted on LJ back in 2005(!) and I started doing some minor spell checks before posting it here, but ending up re-writing almost everything, so what used to be a simple Christmas fluff piece, turned into something else. It's still very fluffy though.</p>
    </blockquote>





	A very merry Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> This was a Christmas fic that I posted on LJ back in 2005(!) and I started doing some minor spell checks before posting it here, but ending up re-writing almost everything, so what used to be a simple Christmas fluff piece, turned into something else. It's still very fluffy though.

The first thing he saw as he opened his eyes to the blurry outlines of Christmas morning was the bright white window next to his bed and the faint shapes of snowflakes swirling by it on the other side.

 

The second thing, was Sirius Black’s beaming face as the other boy more or less threw himself on top of him grinning manically from ear to ear and successfully knocking the air out of Remus’ lunges.

 

”Merry Christmas, Moony!” he says in as hushed a voice as he can manage in his state of excitement.

 

Remus sucks in a breath and chuckles sleepily, then stretches out langidly underneath the weight of his best friend, whose eyes darken with lust immediately. 

 

”Mm… Merry Christmas, Padfoot”, he murmurs happily.

 

Sirius dips forward and for a heart-stopping second Remus thinks his friend is about to kiss him, in broad daylight in the middle of their dorms where James or Peter or anyone can catch them, but Sirius stops just short of brushing their lips together. Instead he rubs his nose against Remus’ a couple of times.

 

Remus half-chuckles again, and ironically it sounds more breathless this time around. 

 

”Aren’t you going to open your present?” Sirius whispers huskily, then wags his eyebrows a couple of times suggestively. 

 

Remus laughs, then lets his hands wander up the other boy’s thighs and gently squeezes his hips through the worn pyjama bottoms.

 

”Mmm… sure”, he murmurs and dips his thumbs beneath the waistband.  

 

”Hey, get your mind out of the gutter”, Sirius says with breathy snicker, but then ducks his head again and quickly captures Remus’ mouth in a searing kiss to take the sting off the words. 

 

Remus’ heart leaps up and starts beating wildly somewhere near his Adam’s apple, even as he kisses back eagerly. Sirius pulls back slightly, making sure to keep the kiss shallow and soft. Remus cranes his neck and tries to deepen it, but Sirius keeps moving back, just out of reach and smiles wickedly against Remus’ lips when the werewolf lets out an involuntary growl of frustration. 

 

”Mm, yes, I love it when you go feral on me”, Sirius whispers and gently grinds their hips together. 

 

The words, however jokingly spoken, have an instantaneous effect on Remus whose blood runs ice-cold at the mere mention of _going feral_ and he goes completely rigid underneath his friend. Sirius stills and pulls back slightly more so that he can look into the other boy’s eyes. Confusion quickly makes way to understanding and remorse as he replays his own words to himself. 

 

”Ah shit, Moony, I’m so sorry —!” he gasps. 

 

Remus shakes his head quickly, even as he’s struggling to get his breath back and his limbs to cooperate. He flexes his fingers carefully, until they stop trembling and then puts them back on Sirius hips, squeezing gently, reassuringly. 

 

”I didn’t mean —” 

 

”I know”, Remus says quickly. ”Forget it. Really.”

 

Sirius leans forward and brushes their lips together once more, even gentler then before as though pouring all of his emotions into this one touch. Remus makes sure to press back just enough so that Sirius feels it, but doesn’t try to deepen it this time and he keeps his head firmly on the pillow. Sirius tilts his head aside and his sigh hits Remus’ cheek, warm and regretful. 

 

”I’m _so_ sorry, Reems…”

 

”Nothing to be sorry for”, Remus says and tries to sound like he actually means it, but not really succeeding judging by the second sigh that warms the side of his neck, so he tries to change the subject instead, trailing his hands up his friend’s back to hug him closer he plants a feathery kiss to the boy’s temple. ”So was that my present?”

 

”What?” Sirius mutters, his voice muffled against the crook of Remus neck where he seems content to be hiding his face for the moment. 

 

”Kissing”, Remus says with a self-conscious half-shrug that jostles the other boy who takes it as a cue to sit back up and give Remus a questioning look. ”In daylight… in the open…”

 

Comprehension flares up in the other boy’s eyes and he frowns a little, ”We’re alone in the dorm.”

 

”Yeah, but still”, Remus says and shrugs again. ”Anyone could walk in at any time…”

 

Sirius seems to be debating with himself, before he opens his mouth to speak again. 

 

”It doesn’t matter”, Remus adds quickly. 

 

”The others have already gone to the Great Hall for breakfast”, Sirius says. 

 

Remus nods quickly and flashes him a quick, pinched smile. _Of course they have,_ he thinks. _No risk of getting caught._

 

Sirius regards him silently, and Remus can almost see the cogwheels turning behind his dark eyes. He fists the loose material of the boy’s t-shirt where it lies bunched up around his waist, not to re-establish some closer contact but to have something to do, because really he rather Sirius climb off him now. 

 

It’s not that he’s disappointed, he tells himself. Because to be disappointed, he’d have to have been expecting something different in the first place… _and he knows better,_ he tells himself. He knows Sirius isn’t ready, might never _be_ ready, to come out to their friends — even though Remus is quite sure their friends all suspect already — Sirius isn’t ready to flaunt their relationship out in public, _and that’s fine_ , Remus reminds himself, and not for the first time. 

”Where is it then?” he says, changing the subject for the second time. ”My present?”

 

He gently nudges Sirius hip, trying not to make it seem like he’s literally pushing him away, even though he technically is. Sirius slides off him and curls up against his headboard instead, jutting his chin out towards a badly wrapped present at the foot of the bed. 

 

Remus grabs it and starts ripping the Spello-tape off delicately, trying not to ruin the blood red wrapping paper any more than Sirius has already done. He feels a small lump in his throat and swallows convulsively for a few moments, then forces his mouth to smile broadly at the beautiful, leatherbound diary in his hands.

 

”Thanks”, he croaks. 

 

Sirius says nothing, but Remus can feel his stare like it’s burning a hole in his skin. He blinks a couple of times, as the diary starts to blur in front of him. _Get a grip_ , he tells himself sternly. 

 

”Let’s go to breakfast!” Sirius says abruptly and jumps to his feet. 

 

Remus just wants to lie back down and pull the covers over his head and sleep until New Year’s. But he knows that if he doesn’t get up right now, Sirius won’t be able to keep pretending this _isn’t a thing_ , which means they’ll have to talk about it… and although Remus is all for talking about things, normally, _this_ is one thing that he knows he’ll never want to talk about. Simply for the reason that he knows exactly what talking about it will lead to, and it’s not a direction he even wants to think about. 

 

As much as he would _like_ to be open about his relationship with Sirius, and be able to hold the other boy’s hand in public and maybe even kiss him once or twice in the Common Room… The truth is, Sirius isn’t and will probably never be ready for that, and Remus would rather have Sirius in secret than not at all.

 

”You coming, Moony?” Sirius calls from the door.

 

”Yeah…” Remus croaks, then clears his throat. ”Yeah, coming…”

 

Sirius’ gaze flickers over Remus face briefly as he sidles up to him, but then it flitters away again and stays away. They walk out of the Portrait hole and all the way down to the Great Hall in silence, and never once does Sirius glance over at Remus again. 

 

Remus stomach coils unpleasantly, and by the time they reach the large oak doors of the Great Hall, food is the last thing Remus wants to think about. He can see James, Peter and Lily already seated in their usual position at the Gryffindor table — he glances sideways at Sirius again, the other boy is looking over at their friends as well, a steely expression on his face, and Remus heart seems to sink further — he lets his gaze drop to the floor. 

 

”Hey there, Sirius, Remus — Happy Christmas!” James voice hits him suddenly, and he realises they must be close. 

 

”Happy Christmas!” Lily and Peter both chorus as well. 

 

Next to him Sirius seems to straighten up slightly and then suddenly, Remus feels tentative fingertips brush the back of his hand and quickly jerks his hand away. He looks up at Sirius in horror, an excuse ready at the tip of his tongue —

 

Sirius eyes are dark, but not with anger, Remus realises with a jolt — 

 

”Sirius?” James pipes up uncertainly. ”Remus? What’s going —?”

 

Remus feels Sirius fingertips brush against his hand again, deliberately, determinedly, and he gasps — 

 

The sound seems to echo around them. And then he realises why — Lily has gasped almost at the same time as him — he would glance over at his best girl friend, and their other friends, but he can't for the life of him tear his eyes away from Sirius. He stares helplessly, blinking stupidly. Then those same fingers trickle down the length of his palm and slides into place next to his own fingers, gently slotting into place, intertwining easily like they do this all the time. 

 

Remus heart is hammering away almost painfully in his chest, and he locks his fingers with Sirius who suddenly breaks out in a face-splitting grin. All the air that Remus has unwittingly collected in his lunges whooshes out of him in a burst of relief that leaves him light-headed. In fact, he feels light all over. Like he might just lift off the ground and soar away if Sirius wasn’t holding onto him, holding his hand, in front of everyone…

 

”About bloody time!” James exclaims behind them, the words colliding with Lily’s _Finally!_  and Peter’s _What did I miss?_

 

And Remus can’t help it, he just starts laughing. It only takes a split-second for Sirius to join in, and after that they’re both doubled over howling with laughter, clutching each other for support. After a moment, James and Lily join them and before Remus knows how it happened, they’re all hugging and laughing like it’s the most normal thing in the world, completely ignoring the other students around them. 

 

 _It’s a very merry Christmas_ , Remus thinks and gives Sirius a quick peck on the lips, _just because he can_.

 


End file.
